Communication Archives

February 25, 2020February 25, 2020

Not Asking For Help. Avoiding Blowing It #252

Asking For Help Gets You An Extra Set Of Eyes And A Whole New Perspective On Problems You Might Have Had Trouble Solving.

Self reliance is one of the most valuable skills you can develop. To be able to be accountable and reliable in all situations you are put into is always the goal. Sometime we just can’t do everything though. And asking for help is not a bad thing. It shows character and maturity. When we reach our limitations we need to ask for help. And the beauty of it is when you receive that help. You elevate your understanding to a new level. That sets your limitation bar that much higher for the next time you come across similar problems.

If you’re having difficulty in a relationship and your communication keeps leading you back to the same problem. Go and get a third party administrator, a counselor, or an impartial friend or family member. Someone who is going to give you new perspective on an old problem as well as a new way to look at it and the best solution to recover from it. It’s very important to seek help in these situations.

A Prime Example.

There was an incessant squeaking in my vehicle’s door. For weeks I thought it was in the handle. I took apart the handle piece by piece, greased it, taped it screwed it back on. And with each “fix” still more squeaking. Yet you could mess with the handle in a certain way and get the sound to stop. I was convinced it had to be the handle. So I would try “fixing” a different part of the handle still to no avail.

Finally I got someone to ride with me to get a second pair of eyes on it. What did we find out? Obviously it wasn’t the handle after all but the door panel itself and when you pulled on the handle it pressed against the panel to stop the noise. But my cognitive bias told me to keep focusing on the handle.

This is the problem we face all too often. We obsess over the wrong problem and it isn’t until we get fresh eyes to point out something so incredibly simple that your mind skipped over while you were looking in the complete wrong direction. That’s why asking for help is so important. How long do you want to be travelling in the wrong direction before you finally get the right answer? You may never find your way back if you wait too long.

January 7, 2020January 7, 2020

Annoyance Or Disdain For That Which You Want To Achieve. Avoiding Blowing #246

You Can Not Hold The Opposing Views Of Wanting To Achieve Something. And Then At The Same Time Have An Annoyance Or Disdain For That Same Thing.

We may not know we do it. You have to take close examination of yourself to truly see it. But every time we struggle in an area, there, bright as day you’ll see it. If we look hard enough we find annoyance or disdain for that something. And although we want it, we’ll never achieve it if we don’t correct and solve our underlying issues with it.

Take money for instance we all want more of it. But if we don’t have it, you can be assured we harbor some resentment towards it somewhere in our thoughts. Maybe it was never there when we needed it most. Maybe it caused conflict somewhere in our lives. Possibly it was the cause for your divorce or your parents divorce. The conflict we have with it needs resolving in order to get that which we want.

Do you struggle in marketing or sales? How do you feel when someone tries to sell you something. Do you look upon them with scorn? Or do you bask in the glow of there talent for persuasion?

Do you see marketing as an annoyance? An interruption to your work or enjoyment? Or do you see it as a creative art form that is so alluring and pleasing? One that needs celebrating as much as the Mona Lisa. And do you know why the Mona Lisa is one of the most famous art pieces in the world? Because of masterful marketing. For anyone who has ever blessed their eyes upon it, knows that it just might be the smallest painting throughout the entire Louvre. Yet millions of people every year flock to the museum in Paris to catch a glimpse. That is because of great marketing that has gone viral to the people. When it’s that good the guest become the evangelist over time.

But it first takes that brilliant mind that wants to help people make the best possible decision. So they market what that is to us with heart. Yet some may see marketing as an interruption. Maybe that goes back to childhood when commercials interrupted your favorite show. So you now learned over time to look at it as a nuisance, one to avoid at all cost. Then one day you want to market a product or brand that you love and feel it will help other people. But your marketing is complete garbage because you have harbored that disdain for so many years.

Look within yourself. If you are struggling in any area find that annoyance or disdain and turn the tables on it. Find a way to love the beauty in something. Look at it as an art form. Even making money can be a art form. You can even use your art to form a larger bank account. It all depends on how we look at it. Either way we can never be successful with views that oppose success.

October 11, 2019October 11, 2019

Labeling Simple Explanations As Mansplaining. Failure #224

Mansplaining, A Denegrating Term Used For The Act Of A Man Giving Unsolicited Advice Usually To A Person Of The Opposite Sex.

If the “mansplaining” is unsolicited you can for sure respectfully decline their “knowledge.” Those who impose, never last long at the table anyway. However, sometimes people are just interested in learning and passing on that knowledge to others. Never to come across with an air of superiority but to simply understand the world around them better. And to hopefully assist others in learning something new along with them.

When we debase and corrupt that process, we challenge communication, and we challenge education. We say to each other don’t tell me anything I already know, and before long that becomes don’t tell me anything at all.

We Put Up Walls Because We Already Know Everything We Need To Know Right?

What man can explain anything better than the knowledge we already possess? Possibly not too many. However there may be a select few that have incredible insights that are too afraid to share because they don’t want to come off as superior and make you feel inferior. They don’t want to feel as if they’re mansplaining to you.

But that is not always the case with education. It’s often collaborative. Sure there are facts and certainties out there. Even then, wouldn’t would want to know when you are factually wrong about something?

All of the writing on this website could be considered mansplaining.

I’m a man writing explanations. But for me, I’m just trying to better understand the world around me and hopefully the conversation that grows from it will help others too. I could be wrong on a lot of things. I’d like to know when I am. And that is how we should look at an outside explanation, don’t close if off, question it. What makes their answer right to them?

You may run into the select few that like to think they are superior. But just know those men feel inferior inside. It’s a projection of self conscious impotence. Look strong to feel strong. Those gentleman may need to be treated with kid gloves as to not arouse there internal sensitivities. Agreeing with them may be you best way to avoid conflict. Those are the true mansplainers out there.

December 20, 2018July 23, 2019

Staleness Of An Argument #171.

Making The Same Argument Over And Over Again Is Often Like Beating The Dead Horse.

However on the flip side of that saying there is another. Which says the squeky wheel gets the grease. Meaning those who stay persistent and vocal will eventually reap the rewards. This is different than when an argument goes flat and stale. When that happens it might just be time to move on.

Often in writing these post I feel many of my disagreements have been stated before. And that I continue to rehash many old arguments. That is life though, sometimes you get set in your ways creating your belief systems and you build yourself the box you trap yourself in.

The only way to alleviate a flat mixture is to stir it up a little and maybe add some heat. That is what I expect of these arguments they are best suited for a challenging dispute. Same should go for the stale disagreements in your life. Mix it up a little and new flavors. Throw it out if it’s gone bad. Change and reiterate or fuel the fire, no stagnancy. I’ll keep working to find new angles to these opinions hopefully I’m provided with new ways to look at old problems.

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November 29, 2018August 2, 2019

Craving Attention #162.

Stop Craving Attention In The Wrong Way. We Can Hear And See You Just Fine. You Can Turn Down The Volume On That Boisterous Voice Of Yours.

It has always baffled me how some need constant focus on themselves. As if your attention isn’t ever needed elsewhere. And is only best suited on them. Always craving attention from everyone in the room. They try to control every conversation. They only listen to others not to gain a better understanding. Instead it’s in order to find their next topic to discuss themselves more. And when a break in conversation happens, it’s back to them.

Many Have A Craving Attention, It’s Why Social Media Is So Successful.

As children it is understandable, in fact it’s quite necessary actually. As we grow older though, what is it that carries with some individuals that they must always be a distraction in the room? A simple distraction in the room is sometimes the best case scenario for people craving attention.

Negative Side Of Craving Attention

A select few will lash out in unimaginable ways. They will quietly endure the pain of neglect or unwelcome negative focus until it reaches a boiling point. They think if they do harm than others will finally see them.

Channel The Craving In A Good Way.

Craving Attention — Photo by Miguel Henriques on Unsplash

Yet other times attention needed is channeled into a productive projects like acting or singing, modeling or lecturing. Never the less needing others attention is an act that is 100 percent reliant on varying perimeters outside their control.

You can’t always maintain another’s focus nor must they give it to you. It is their right to ignore. We can only worry about what we do, where we place our focus. Not what others can do for us. I’m sure for some attention is like a dopamine hit with the more eyes on them the bigger the high.

Good Side.

I guess you can argue that just like with everything else there is usually a good side and a bad side to craving attention from others. The good side would be those making us laugh, helping us grow, and entertaining us.

Bad Side.

The bad side would be those looking to fight, harming others, causing annoying distractions, or yelling obscenities. If you do feel you need all eyes on you, that isn’t always a bad thing.

I would just highly recommend you channel it into something of value to others and let others decide if they want to pay attention to you or not. Or simply let go of the unnecessary need to have attention on you.

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