google-site-verification: google2a63d702a01151e0.html

Micro Distraction. Avoiding Blowing It #243

Micro Distraction

How Often Does A Micro Distraction Throw Us Off Our Life Trajectory?

We may never truly know because we don’t know the alternative. But in some cases they can have profound affects. Each micro distraction is a mini butterfly effect within your own life. And it’s implications can grow into a hurricane in that life as it gains force.

An important conversation with a close friend or loved one gets interrupted by a phone call. Do you take the call or stay present with that friend or loved one? The choice you make can have profound implications as innocent as it may seem in the moment. This might be the distraction that eventually ends the friendship, marriage, etc. Maybe not in that moment but the wind off the butterfly’s wings will be set in motion.

Sometimes the micro distraction is just enough to send an alcoholic or a drug user back to the bottle or drug of choice. Distractions can be triggering. A micro distraction could set you off course of a masterpiece you might be working on.

Our Phones Are Micro Distraction Machines

Micro Distraction

Which often lead us down the rabbit hole. Difficult to escape once your in the labyrinth. And each micro distraction within it, can start a chain reaction. We get alerted to a text, or new deal, or a new article that needs to be read, a podcast to be listened to. Then we find ourselves wasting time watching YouTube videos of cats. I’ll even link to a video of cats, to test your resistance muscle. Try to abstain from it. Build that muscle.

The pull is strong because of our intense curiosity and need for answers. What if the phone call is more important then the conversation were already in? It almost never is, but we hold that belief constantly and it diminishes the quality of our interactions. It’s why we have to remove as many temptations as possible. Starting with our phones. Its always launching little missiles that can turn into weapons of mass destruction on our work, our life and our relationships.

It’s amazing how employers want you always at their beck and call on this little distraction machine but being connected to it always depletes the quality of work by the distracted individual.

How To Help Avoid Micro Distraction.

We need to utilize do not disturb mode or airplane mode on our phones first and foremost. Or even think about getting a Faraday pouch for it and put your phone in it when you are engrossed in other activities. So it can’t even receive a signal. Always at the very least turn off all notifications. You do not need to be alerted to a sale on bed spreads or news of a bomb strike in Yemen.

Just be aware and vigilant to the sources that are vying for your attention. And stay true to what’s important. Don’t let micro distractions, as unassuming as they are, derail you. Because the micro can easily turn into the major.

Is Dating Implied Ownership? #212

Implied Ownership

Why Does It Feel As Such? With That Implied Ownership Comes Control.

As perfect strangers you can be and do anything you want to be. No one telling you otherwise. If you want to go larping on the weekend you can, if you want to shave your head, or grow a long beard, you can. But often when you tell someone you’re MY girlfriend or MY boyfriend. Most people treat it like their significant other just became their possessions. Acting as if they have the deed on this fictitious implied ownership over them.

You’re Mine.

This sweet sentiment we say. Seems to give us the right to now tell them what they can and can not do. How they have to live their life in order to assimilate with ours.

Implied Ownership
Photo by Relevante design on Unsplash

And with that implied ownership, you may begin to manipulate and mold them into the vision you see fit for partnership. Neglecting, albeit sometimes outright destroying their authenticity in the process. Sure this may sometimes produce a better human than what came before. But it’s not someones place to force change upon another. Why can’t we accept the people we choose for who they are, no stipulations. You be you and I’ll be me. And together we’ll just be.

We Don’t Put These Limitations Or Restrictions Upon Friends.

So why do it to our significant other? When these are the people that should be our best friends in the end.

Offer suggestions for betterment but don’t put restrictions that come with punishment if they don’t meet your vision. Don’t date in the first place if you can’t handle who that person is.

Assumption Of Desires.

Another big problem we face when people want change from us. Is we begin to assume other things they might need us to change about ourselves. That we might not living up to. When this happens your partner has just given you the gift of being self conscious about your actions.

We make attempts to change but it could be in the wrong direction. We could end up completely off the mark. That’s what happens when a partner doesn’t accept you as is. You are left in the hamster wheel chasing possible dead ends.

Communication is really the only way to avoid this. And sometimes it can’t be avoided. Communication might put you dead in it’s tracks. But at least you won’t be assuming.

We Almost All Do This.

Some want change, while others want to stay the same. It’s not one side or the other, it’s both sides. Why? Even as we grow with someone, desires will continue to change. No matter the change we should always continue to accept the people in our lives as is. Flaws and beauty in all. And if that isn’t the case, walk away.




Thank you very much for taking the time to read our post. If you like what you read, or even if you don’t, we would love to hear from you. Please join our email list here. Or if you want to comment on this article, or write your own in our Forum. Please sign in here and if you are new to the site you can register here. This website is not intended to be a blog. We want it to be a place to help others grow and learn from mistakes and the Forum is where that begins. Please tell us your stories.

The Ultimatum Game #211

ultimatum game

There Are No True Winners In The Ultimatum Game.

If one side wins the other loses but the cost of the loss will always burden the winner. It’s a all or nothing roll of the dice. Sure you might get what you want. But if you are playing the ultimatum game with someone close to you. They will most likely grow resentment if it’s not something they also want.

The Ultimatum Game Is Rarely A Win Win Game.

ultimatum game
Photo by Charles 🇵🇭 on Unsplash

It’s the do this for me or I’m walking out game. It can be high risk high reward but more often then not it leaves both parties at a loss. Sometimes it’s the only answer if you’re not getting what you want. You have to be willing to walk away if what you want is not obtainable with the person you want it with.

Other times it’s worth putting in the work and effort in order to find life alternatives that will satisfy both parties. Because if you get to the point of playing the ultimatum game. It’s probably already too late. Prepare yourself to either change drastically to meet the needs of others, or to depart that particular relationship entirely.

Why Play The Ultimatum Game?

It’s an unfair game and the cards are stacked against all players. So why even play. The answer is simple the parties want more than the other is giving. And in that case you have to draw the line somewhere. As painful as that maybe. It’s almost always a losing battle but it’s the last ditch effort before raising the white flag. You tried and hopefully your efforts were worth the loss. Try to steer clear of these loses establish desire long before the ultimatum. On in other word preset your ultimatums early for expectations later and never waiver from your stance.




Thank you very much for taking the time to read our post. If you like what you read, or even if you don’t, we would love to hear from you. Please join our email list here. Or if you want to comment on this article, or write your own in our Forum. Please sign in here and if you are new to the site you can register here. This website is not intended to be a blog. We want it to be a place to help others grow and learn from mistakes and the Forum is where that begins. Please tell us your stories.

“Reality” Dating Shows And Online Dating #209

Online Dating

There Is Nothing Real About Either Online Dating Or Reality Show Dating.

Online Dating
Photo by Gregory Hayes on Unsplash

It’s all just a facade. Only the surface is shown in online dating. No flaws, no problematic areas. Just this perfect fake representation of ourselves. Than our shows on the same subject that claim to be “reality” paint us this fairy tale image. Date as many people as possible in a short span, weed out the riff raff and you will find your prince or princess charming. How has that worked out for anyone? I believe it’s almost near a 100% failure rate.

We Are Our Own Human Resource Manager.

You need time with people you need to experience all what they have to offer and learn to except them. Online dating is just another job you have to take on. You become your own human resources manager shifting through all the resumes. All of which I’m sure have a striking resemblance to all other applications. Because everyone is only exposing the surface. Their best foot forward in order to get that foot into the door.

A Waste Of Time And Energy?

So we’ll waste time and energy picking and choosing those best possible “resumes.” Throwing out all those we deem unsuitable for the job. I honestly don’t know how people do it. But some out there have mastered this job search. They get their interview and often close the very same evening. I’m not sure where the self respect lines are drawn but those who have little get taken advantage of quite easily.

Is This Reality?

Hell the best of the best at this job get on T.V. to showcase their craft on “reality” dating shows. And we buy into that skewed fairy tale image. It all just seems so fake to me. But than again I’m cynical and prefer kismet relationships started by chance meeting, to the new normal of online dating. There really isn’t a wrong way. Good luck to all who participate, I hope everyone gets to find their one.




Thank you very much for taking the time to read our post. If you like what you read, or even if you don’t, we would love to hear from you. Please join our email list here. Or if you want to comment on this article, or write your own in our Forum. Please sign in here and if you are new to the site you can register here. This website is not intended to be a blog. We want it to be a place to help others grow and learn from mistakes and the Forum is where that begins. Please tell us your stories.

All Things Are Conditional, Nothing Is Truly Unconditional #199

If You Believe Something Is Unconditional It’s Because You’ve Adapted To The Condition You’re In.

Change it and I assure you many emotions will diametrically rearrange. It might not feel so unconditional after all. Yes, we all love family unconditionally and I would argue that family is a condition we were born into. But have a family member lie, cheat, and steal from you. Or have them tell you they hate you enough times and leave never to return, those feelings of unconditional love may begin to waiver.

Challenges To Your Conditioning

You may love your spouse unconditionally or so that’s what you say. But have him leave the toilet set up one too many times. Or not take your side on certain issues. Worse yet, have him come home to tell you that he’s been sleeping with your sister and they’re in love and planning to eventually marry. That would challenge your unconditional love for both your spouse and your sister. The conditions you loved them both under, fundamentally changed for the worse and you now feel a different kind of strong emotion towards the both of them.

Unconditional Love
Photo by freestocks.org on Unsplash

Some might say, “well I love Jesus, Buddha, God, Allah, Shiva (whatever your deity might be), unconditionally.” Well of course you do, they remain unchanging figures, the only way they change is in how you view them. They can’t actually do anything to you to cause you strife. If you blame them for some unforeseen hardships, the relationship than becomes conditional. And in that since you may end up cursing their names.

Why It’s Good To Have Conditions

We all want to believe that many things in our lives are unconditional. Love, trust, acceptance, devotion, respect. But we all have our biases, a construct of conditions that we can live with and those we can not.

How great it would be to receive all these things unconditionally but its the conditions that keep us in check, they keep us honest, they keep us from developing into a terrible human beings. If we received everything free without conditions we would value absolutely nothing. We could walk all over people with no regard for they’re feelings because their feelings wouldn’t matter, we know they’re unconditionally unchanging. Granted you you have to be a terrible person to take such advantage but you may be taught to do so if you keep messing up and you keep getting more chances. All I’m saying is we are all conditional beings and there is nothing wrong with that, it’s actually highly beneficial.




Thank you very much for taking the time to read our post. If you like what you read, or even if you don’t, we would love to hear from you. Please join our email list here. Or if you want to comment on this article, or write your own in our Forum. Please sign in here and if you are new to the site you can register here. This website is not intended to be a blog. We want it to be a place to help others grow and learn from mistakes and the Forum is where that begins. Please tell us your stories.

An Out Of Balance Life #153.

Balance

Balance The Scales Of Life Or Be Relegated To One Where Areas Are Heavily Focused While Others Are Heavily Neglected.

Life, love, relationships, work, business, family all need some semblance of balance. And if you live a life dedicated to focus on all these things you must find a way to juggle your time between them. You’ll have to be the judge of what takes precedence. We all have the same 24 hours in a day. How you wish to spend it is up to you.

First Question Is What Are Your Goals?

If your main goal is to get ahead in business and you don’t care to have a family. Then you need not worry yourself with time dedicated to such endeavors and you can focus wholly on your ambitious pursuits. The Scales will remain out of balance for good reason, you chose it.

However if your goal is family you will have to find ways to focus on that as well as providing for them. However if you neglect family in pursuit of financial security for said family and you lose the family due to such neglect. What was the point in that pursuit?

Always make sure you are continuing to balance the scales otherwise you can lose more then you might gain. Be sure to communicate your desires with your partner as well as listening too and meeting your partners needs. Make sure everyone is working towards meeting each other’s bliss points.

Balance
Photo by Bekir Dönmez on Unsplash

If your spouse is more concerned about financial security but also wants quality time together make sure it’s communicated and understood that these two things can sometimes conflict with each other. What is your priority and what is your partners?

Find Your Balance.

All relationships need balance. If one person is carrying the weight of both individuals, it cannot be maintained indefinitely. And when the bond breaks its hard to mend. I recently read a great quote that relationships are like strings, once broken they can be mended but there remains a knot at the break. How many knots can be tied before a string becomes a worthless ball that has been wound too tight? Or the alternative two separate strings? Maintain balance and worry will be a foregone after thought.



Thank you very much for taking the time to read our post. If you like what you read, or even if you don’t, we would love to hear from you. Please join our email list here. Or if you want to comment on this article, or write your own in our Forum. Please sign in here and if you are new to the site you can register here. This website is not intended to be a blog. We want it to be a place to help others grow and learn from mistakes and the Forum is where that begins. Please tell us your stories.

Robbing Another’s Trust #151.

Trust

Trust Is A Gift We Give To Those Who Earn It. It Technically Doesn’t Cost A Thing. So If We Give It Freely, How Can It Be Stolen From Us?

Betrayal of trust is one of the hardest things we must endure. It is so much harder to repair when lost or stolen then any material good. The thieves come in many forms.

They can be actual thieves that break in to your home, and steal your trust of having a safe home. It can be the break down of a vehicle that has never before let you down.

Body Betrayal.

This can also happen when your body breaks down. Medical ailments can shake the foundations of the once very trustworthy body you have claim to or a strong loved ones body failing.

Conned.

It can be a con artist that steals your trust in helpful strangers. It can come in the form of horribly selfish individuals that steal your trust in mankind. Most trust betrayals are exactly that, selfish acts.

Loved One’s Stealing.

However more often then anything else the thefts come from the ones we love most. Its the people and things who managed to get closet to us. Those we have given all access to our trust, that can rob us blind.

They usually have done more than enough to earn it. That’s why it’s so hard to recoup it when another destroys it. It comes in many different forms from loved ones as well.

A Cheating Spouse.

Will rob you of your trust in faithfulness.

A difficult child may rob you of your trust in having children.

One of the most insidious trust betrayals is trust in love. When you believe to have the love of another individual and they take that love away. That is probably the hardest to come back from. But it’s possible, not all people are the same and very few actually want to steal your trust.

I’ve been on both side of the coin. I’ve been the thief and the patsy. And let me tell you, every time trust plays a roll, you feel horrible no matter the side. Unless you are a true sociopath.

Repair Within.

Trust can be rebuilt, maybe not with the same individuals or the same things that you once trusted in. But there is hope.

Trust
Photo by Anastasia Sklyar on Unsplash

Frustratingly there are no easy fixes, it takes time to repair the damages. The best we can do is to not give up. All humanity is not lost and others should be given a chance. Try to do things differently next time around.

Keep giving it to those who earn it. They just may have to work a little harder for it. And if they give up easily on that journey they would have done the same had you given them your trust earlier on.

Thank you very much for taking the time to read our post. If you like what you read, or even if you don’t, we would love to hear from you. Please join our email list here. Or if you want to comment on this article, or write your own in our Forum. Please sign in here and if you are new to the site you can register here. This website is not intended to be a blog. We want it to be a place to help others grow and learn from mistakes and the Forum is where that begins. Please tell us your stories.

Apologizing Because Of Backlash (Blowing It Scenario #143).

We All Know You Don’t Mean It. It’s A Forced Apology.

It’s sometimes hard to eat crow, having to swallow your pride and apologize isn’t always easy. Apologies can be a tough pill to swallow but when you know you’re in the wrong it’s always the right thing to do, even if it hurts. But all too often those who are in the wrong do not make an attempt to apologize until their remarks are brought to the attention of others and only when the perpetrator receives a massive backlash over the comments or actions they made. Only then will they relent on their unpopular opinion and apologize. However the damage is already done, you cannot unsay something. And when you say what you mean, you have to stick by your words, and if you can’t, don’t say them in the first place.

People speak their mind and that is a great thing that needs to be supported and encouraged. Also if it’s how you truly feel you should never relent, even if it means you will lose. Just know that you can lose. Lose friends, lose family, lose your job. It can happen, but it should not take these events to see the wrong in your ways of thought. Feel free to say the unpopular things, maybe you are at the forefront of a beneficial yet revolutionary movement that others have yet to catch on to. Or maybe your view is the right one at the wrong time.

Often times when people find out that they hold an incredibly loathed view point they’ll back step their initial stance and apologize for offending they party’s they are saying offensive things to. A true apology is one of regret and remorse and one that is followed by actions that are conducive to their new way of thinking. Empty apologies without those actions are void of feelings, void of character, void of empathy and have no real meaning. They’re empty words masquerading as an apology. No one benefits, the perpetrator feels forced to do it feelings unchanged and the victims feels that there was no sympathy. But yet you both have to except the results. You can only hope in the future that those who are in the wrong, be it either side, but usually it’s the side apologizing, learn from their mistakes and hopefully they don’t make the same ones in the future.



Thank you very much for taking the time to read our post. If you like what you read, or even if you don’t, we would love to hear from you. Please join our email list here. Or if you want to comment on this article, or write your own in our Forum. Please sign in here and if you are new to the site you can register here. This website is not intended to be a blog. We want it to be a place to help others grow and learn from mistakes and the Forum is where that begins. Please tell us your stories.

Divorce (Blowing It Scenario #120).

Divorce Is One Of The Biggest Life And Relationship Lessons One Can Receive. Don’t Waste It.

Divorce was never even in my conscious realm. I thought I did everything right. Never cheated, Never used drugs, Never uttered bad name towards the other, only built up each other, Went to bed every night together, every evening would tell each other, “I’ll love you more tomorrow than I did today” and every morning we woke up we would say to the other “I love you more today than I did yesterday.”

We traveled the world together, we saw Buddhist temples in Thailand, had lunch on Machu Picchu in Peru, ate termites in the amazon rain forest, Sailed through the Greek islands and rode quads throughout Santorini and Mykonos. Went on night hikes and ziplined through the jungles in Costa Rica. Skydived in Kauai and relaxed on their marvelous beaches. Was told on numerous occasions they would never want to go through life with another, and I was the love of their life.

So how did it all fail? How Did It End In Divorce?

It all comes down to the little things. Those little things that you begin to neglect the more time spent with another. And as you neglect those things they slowly erode the relationship as they become more habitual. until you finally reach the point where it would be awkward to reintroduce them into a relationship. We’ll call this phenomenon learned neglect. Where each mild neglectful action is slowly reinforced by continuous love and affection even though you stopped the actions that might be deserving of that love and affection somewhere along the way. You may not even notice it. This is why communication is so important. Tiny leaks can sink great ships and if you don’t pay attention, your marriage too could be relegated to the bottom of the sea.

Do Not Use The Word Divorce.

Divorce

We had our occasional arguments a few blowouts where I said things I didn’t mean. They were very few and far between. Here is a massive lesson for you, never ever verbalize the D word (divorce) in the others presence unless you’re ready to begin your perilous decent. Even if you think it’s the best way to end an argument trust me it is not. Distraction is another culprit on the on the relationship killers list. I could have spent a lot less time distracted, A LOT less time. We are so absorbed by other things that catch our interest, we get pulled in too many directions and forget to focus on whats important.

However you are luck.

My loss is your gain, and it’s also the gain of my relationships from here on out. Divorce is such a powerful lesson don’t throw it away or revert into self loathing. Know that it falls on your shoulders, take ownership of it and be better down the road. Here are the most valuable takeaways I can give you.

Trust-

this is the foundation of all relationships and it must be respected, you have to trust each other. You have to believe the other. Jealousy has no place in solid committed relationship. What you or your partner may have done it their past has no bearing on the present or your future together. Try to welcome your partner without judgment and if you do come to a problem with some thing from your partners past, learn to forgive. It’s in the past and I’m sure had they known you then it would not be part of their past.

Communication-

Communication is paramount. It’s where you find out your partners likes and dislikes, wants and needs, worries and fears. Tell each other what you want from the other and from life, tell them often. It’s where you discover how your partner is feeling and you should be able to ask and receive an honest answer at any given moment in time. Guessing is just setting both of you up for failure. And don’t assume the other knows how you feel or think they are supposed to know that information. Sometimes we know but it’s far better for both parties to just talk it out.

Attention-

Put down the fucking phone from time to time, pay attention to your someone. Sorry to use such crass language but this is becoming the norm in most relationship and it’s slowly eroding all that you’ve built together. That action is simply telling your partner non verbally that your tech with it’s news feeds and it’s easy access to all the other people on facebook, snapchat, instagram, or pinterest, are far more interesting than your partner.

And you would prefer to be entertained by whatever is going on onscreen rather than engage with the real life human sitting across from you. It’s somewhat of an emotional cheat, you are reaching out to tech to get what you feel you are lacking from your partner. Don’t go in search for outside entertainment, be present in each others company. Give that person your full utmost attention. Be comfortable with boredom. it’s not always going to be massively stimulating and that’s fine embrace it for both your sakes.

Affection-

Touch each other often, cuddle with each other, kiss each other, hold hands everywhere you go. Have sex, lots of it and don’t be afraid to use your mouth. Use communication to find out what your partner likes and wants are, than go and do that to them or for them. Something happens physiologically when two people continuously embrace. Your bodies almost seem to crave each others. There is this wholeness between the two of you. Use it to both your advantage.

When you stop touching that craving diminishes and it becomes much more difficult to want what you are not currently receiving from that partner. This is where some partners find themselves straying if they are not having their needs met. Which is basically the end of the relationship regardless. Do not do this, it’s incredibly selfish if you feel you must move on give your partner that same right. Once you have strayed there really shouldn’t be any coming back from that. Steer clear of this and just frequently touch each other and hold each other close.

Appreciation-

Give honest sincere appreciation of each other and their actions and or sacrifices. Say thank you and mean it, that simple gesture is so important and it can have a massive impact on future actions. If your partner is someone you’re thankful for let them know it often. What ever they do for you is simply icing on the cake and with each layer let them know how grateful you are for it.

Putting It All Together

Anyone can have tremendous success in a relationship. It does not have to end in divorce. Find someone who fits you perfectly and always work to insure you grow your relationship together and that it’s a positive one on both your lives. One that you impact each other in ways far beyond the surface. That you’ll strengthen your resolve in one another and continuously deepen your connection. It really is easy you just have to find the right person you are willing to do this for and they are willing to reciprocate.



Thank you very much for taking the time to read our post. If you like what you read, or even if you don’t, we would love to hear from you. Please join our email list here. Or if you want to comment on this article, or write your own in our Forum. Please sign in here and if you are new to the site you can register here. This website is not intended to be a blog. We want it to be a place to help others grow and learn from mistakes and the Forum is where that begins. Please tell us your stories.

Taking Yourself To Seriously (Blowing It Scenario #118).

Life’s Too Short, Have Fun, Be Playful, Get Creative.

Sit back, relax, kick off your shoes and throw up your feet. Let me be your leisure coach for a brief minute. Too often in our lives we take ourselves far too seriously. So much so it often comes back to bite us in our ass. It’s a catch 22 of sorts. We may want a certain lifestyle and in that chase we’ll not only take ourselves too serious, we may altogether miss the mark. And while working so hard for what we thought we wanted, trying to hit said mark, we’ll often damage not only our fun and happiness, sometimes even our relationships. Our goal may still grow further out of reach with it. So why not enjoy yourself along the way.

From the sage advice of Michael Scott to Dwight Schrute in the hit classic The Office. Always remember K.I.S.S.- keep it simple stupid. Mildly insulting but great advice. It’s as easy as that, simplify all things. Let go of what others might think of you or even your feelings about how you’ll feel. You may look weird or dumb or maybe your actions will be misinterpreted. Who cares it’s not for them and most of the time people are envious they can’t be as free because of their structured barriers the have placed around themselves.

Play like a kid again it’s where creativity hides. It’s funny how we’re organized to be so structured even in what is supposed to be creative environments. But fail to have any creative thoughts or inspiration in those same environments. It’s not until we shirk the status quo and have a little fun that life opens up to us. No judgments pure freedom. Have fun in your relationships, fun in your work. Life can be so amazingly fun if we just can just except that we don’t always have to take ourselves so serious.



Thank you very much for taking the time to read our post. If you like what you read, or even if you don’t, we would love to hear from you. Please join our email list here. Or if you want to comment on this article, or write your own in our Forum. Please sign in here and if you are new to the site you can register here. This website is not intended to be a blog. We want it to be a place to help others grow and learn from mistakes and the Forum is where that begins. Please tell us your stories.