Family Archives - Blowing It

September 10, 2019September 10, 2019

Labeling Narcissist #220

If You Place A Narcissist Label Upon Another. Know That It Makes You A Narcissist Yourself.

Why do you label them a narcissist in the first place? Is it because you are not having “your” needs met? That they pay more attention to themselves then to you? Why do you care about what others do with their own time anyway?

Also know that unless you live in a cave and have renounced all forms of communication and pleasures of life. We all have a tinge of narcissism to our names. Just in me writing these words is proof of that tinge. Of course I want them to be helpful and useful to others first and foremost. But they are my words that I look after and care for. And want the absolute best for them. Call it narcissism, I’m guilty too.

We All Live Out Our Ideals For Self Aggrandizement.

Some do it in a way of attention seeking while others do it in a way of internal discovery. What that looks like on the outside differs from person to person as well.

Some internalize and withdrawal. Some seek attention in whatever form or medium that best reciprocates their sense of affection, some lash out. The child that is not embraced by the village will one day burn it down just to feel its warmth.

We all want to be heard, to have a voice. We all want to be embraced by others. Narcissism may just be a more extreme form of this and it may be due to past trauma. I’d be willing to bet many on the extreme end of the narcissist spectrum. That individual dealt with such neglect early on in life that it mutated into what you see now. That damage is on the parents of that child. Love and embrace your children often.

Love Yourself.

Just don’t be like Narcissus who ended up falling in love with his own reflection and killed himself because his true love wouldn’t materialize. Love what’s looking back at you in the mirror. Just don’t do it to the point where nothing else matters.

August 30, 2019September 4, 2019

Ageism #217.

Ageism Is The Discrimination We All Seem To Be Okay With.

It almost seems like somewhat of a joke, ageism. We think we don’t discriminate against different age groups. Yet every single age group does it. Young discriminate against the old. Older generations blame millennials for destroying some of the old ways and businesses that once thrived. Opportunities are abundant at some ages, and completely closed off at others. In dating your age can be a complete handicap or the reason you succeed.

As we age we grow sharper we have more tools to utilize when it comes to problem solving. Yet we treat the older individual often with scorn. Like they don’t deserve a place at the table anymore. In our youth we have vitality, quick recovery as well as immaturity. With that immaturity comes boldness and confidence. Not many are jaded young.

Why is it we look at others differently due to their age? You might miss the love of your life a perfect companion all because they fell out of a certain age group. You may pass up the ideal job candidate because of age.

Why do some cultures celebrate age, care and look after their older citizens? While others seem to condemn and ostracize them? Why is it at some ages we get the respect we deserve? And at others people will try to walk all over you?

Maybe We’re Just Trying To Stay With Our Tribe.

Age Factors into that. Ageism might also have to do with the long held assumptions we have about aging. Yes as the body ages it sometimes begins to lose that youthful vitality. It begins to breakdown. But it doesn’t always have to in the times we assume it does. We could exercise and eat right and hold on to it longer than most.

Yet that will not change the reaction of some when they hear the number of years that body has supported life on earth. We either need to let go of our hangups on age. And if we can’t do that, we should never have to disclose what our age truly is.

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June 24, 2019July 17, 2019

The Selfish Act Of Having Children #197.

Unless You Truly Believe That The Children You Have Will Save The World. Or Cure an Incurable Disease. And You Do Everything In Your Power To Guide Them To That.

Otherwise the children you have created was from a self-centered focus. I know this may be a difficult pill to swallow. No one wants to believe they were acting in a purely egocentric manor. By committing the self-serving act of having a baby, or starting a family with the one they love. But it is a selfish act and there is nothing wrong with that, own it.

Children Are Consummate Consumers

Children are pure consumption for nearly the first 18 years of their lives. They produce absolutely nothing but waste and use up valuable resources. So why is it that most of us want them so bad at certain points in our life? It’s because they add so much to your life. And that is the point here, they add to YOUR life. They probably bring joy to others as well and hopefully they do but that was not the sole purpose in you having them.

Maybe you had your child because you thought it may give you meaning or purpose in life. Perhaps you had your child because it was written into your genetic code. That in order for a species or family to live on you must procreate. Is it possible you had your child out of unconditional love, both to give and to receive? Maybe you had your child to save you from something, be it yourself, drugs or a broken marriage. Many people try this tact, which is far more selfish. You now place that burden to carry you, upon your new addition to the family. I hate to say it but all these are selfish reasons.

What Was Your Reason For Having Children?

Possibly you didn’t even mean to have your child. Which is highly selfish in it’s own right. Because you acted irresponsibly and now this child you brought into the world wasn’t even wanted in the first place. And you may choose to stay self centered and outsource that child’s upbringing to another. Those are the truly selfless, the ones who care for others children even when they didn’t create the life. The great step parents, foster parents, and adopting families. The teachers who care for their students 7 to 8 hours a day. It might not be completely altruistic. They get paid to do it but kids are difficult and they don’t always get paid enough.

I’m not trying to say it’s wrong to have kids or to want to have them. They very well could make this world a much better place. And a lot of children do just with their presence. It’s that very presence that drives us to have them in the first place and often times to have more. But just like giving is the selfish act of feeling good to help another. Having children falls into a similar category. It’s the selfish act of bringing yourself more joy and love and giving it in return.

Parents End Up Having To Become Selfless In The End.

The greatest mother I’ve ever known aside from my own, pointed out to me. The wanting and the having of children may be a selfish act but once they’re here they teach you to truly be selfless. Because raising a child is all about their needs while yours takes a back seat.